My Baby is Turning me into an Alcoholic

If anyone sees me drunk and stumbling around the neighborhood during any given night, my baby is to blame.  We have been working hard with Little Will to get him to eat baby food.  So far what we found is that he is a very picky eater.  We have tried sweet potatoes, we have tried apples, we have tried carrots, bananas, squash, and pears.  Most of the time I get locked lips and tears or he spits it out and I get showered in a geyser of butternut squash puree.  I've tried mixing with formula, mixing with water, very soupy texture, very pasty texture, in-between texture, warm, cold, room temperature, on a spoon, out of a cup, on a boat, with a goat, oops - sorry... got side tracked.  Anyways, you get the picture.  So, we have resorted to baby food trickery to get Will to eat - and that's where the beer comes in.  Will's favorite thing in the world right now are bottles.  Beer bottles, wine bottles, baby bottles - he sees one, he grabs it, and puts it in his mouth.  So, I pop the top on a bottle of beer and sit down to feed Will.  In one hand I ready the spoon with baby food and in the other hand I hold the beer bottle.  I wave the beer bottle in front of him and he instinctively reaches out to grab it and opens his mouth.  In I swoop with the sneak attack baby food.  He's usually so focused on the bottle, that he doesn't even realize the offending substance has breached the gates of Fort Knox.  Every now and then I give him the bottle to gnaw on (so he doesn't get wise on me).  It works for now and I have to say that applesauce IPA is actually not that bad.